Your child is sitting at his desk, staring at his maths homework. He’s stuck on fractions. You sit down next to him and want to help. Reading his homework, you suddenly realise you’re not really sure how to explain it.
That small feeling of guilt takes over. That moment of thinking to yourself: “I should know this” is something very common in how parents think.
Caring for your child and knowing maths are two different things
Many parents feel that if they care enough, they would be able to help with their child’s maths. So when they can’t, a sense of guilt arises. It’s as though knowing more maths reflects how much you care about your child.
But the majority of parents are not maths teachers. And caring about your child and knowing maths do not always go hand in hand. Caring is noticing when your child is frustrated or putting an arm around them when things aren’t going well. Knowing maths is being able to explain what a common denominator is, or how you do long division.
It’s quite common for these two things to feel like they are the same thing. And for parents to feel like if they can’t explain a maths concept, it means they don’t care. But no one expects parents to be able to explain trigonometry on demand like a teacher.
It gets harder as they get older, not easier
In the early years, supporting your child in maths is relatively simple. For most parents, explaining how to count, times tables or even simple fractions is manageable.
But very quickly maths becomes quite complex. Algebra gets introduced, then trigonometry and then functions. And all of a sudden what once seemed manageable in teaching your child maths, becomes all too difficult
What was something you could manage in year 3, becomes a stretch by year 9. It’s not because parents don’t want to help. But what is taught are concepts beyond what the average parent remembers, many of which are not used in everyday life.
Most parents are not walking around ready to explain algebra after dinner. That does not mean they don’t care. It actually makes them quite normal.
Being present in learning
Being present in your child’s learning environment can matter more than knowing the actual maths content.
In moments of frustration, one of the most helpful things a parent can do is not to try and explain the next steps or provide the answer. But to ask questions such as “show me what you tried to do?” or “where did you begin feeling stuck?”. This doesn’t require deep knowledge of the maths curriculum, but it does require showing up and being present.
It also helps your child try and overcome their problem long enough to understand where they are stuck. And it sends a message that matters. That being stuck does not mean they have failed, and they do not have to hide it because you are there to support them.
The pressure parents put on themselves
Many parents assume they cannot really help their child unless they understand the content and try to become teachers in their own right.
That’s the wrong trade-off. Parents may feel there are only two options. They either have to become teachers and learn the content themselves or they can “leave them to it” and take on that sense of guilt. But there’s also a third choice between these extremes. Being present is where much of the real support actually takes place.
Helping your child does not mean becoming their maths teacher. It could just mean being there when they are stuck and ensuring they know you are there to support them.
We’re building Brainiac, an adaptive learning platform that helps your child learn maths at the right level, with lessons that adjust as they progress.
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